I don’t want to be this way, but right now, I am. I’m an opened wound slowly healing. It will take time and work to be who I want to be.
I’m figuring shit out and it’s fucking messy. So messy. It won’t always be this way.
You make me feel like a girl
Stop making me feel giddy and pretty
Shall I put on this floral dress
and dance in the sun.
I think I want to
because you make me want to
Stop making me giggle, I’m grown.
I don’t giggle
I can’t stop
(She’s giggling)
“You’re so cute”
(giggle)
Don’t look at me with that smirk
Stop!
I cover my eyes and look between my fingers
Can you not!?
You make me feel like a
girl
I am cute, I am small, I am sweet
Stop making me feel this way
Usually, when my feelings for someone are reciprocated, this is how I feel. Will I feel this way in the future when the feelings are mutual? Hopefully, a tiny bit.
Happy Valentine’s Day
Can’t sleep. These past three weeks, I’ve been doing well, mentally. Balanced is how I’ve been feeling. Yesterday, slowly, I tilted. This will be worked through.
I’m letting my insecurities run through me. I’m expressing my dislikes about myself knowing this won’t last long. Through the motions, I am going. I can believe and have doubt in myself, it becomes a problem when I give the doubt too much power.
What do you dislike about yourself?
My lack of certain knowledge, my inconsistency, my belly, the doubt I have in myself.
What do you like about yourself?
My straightforwardness, my creativity, my curiosity, my smile, my cheeks.
What do you accept about yourself?
I don’t know, I can’t think of anything at the moment.
This, my friend, is for you. You. Yes! You! Haha!
Part of vulnerability is being open to pain. I will let myself feel this as long as I need to.
Pantoum Poem
Books about Afros
Liquid moons in the river
My candle is nearby
The words are bright
Liquid moons in the river
Eyes move from left to right
The words are bright
Leaves dance behind me
Eyes move from left to right
Goosebumps are happy
Leaves dance behind me
I like the chill
Goosebumps are happy
My candle is nearby
I like the chill
Books about Afros
“The fastest way to get where you’re going is slowly.”
Pressure, “I’m sorry.”
Too much?
Then, nothing.
Slow… down…
This is just the beginning
Your fingers dance in circles
You know exactly what I like
“Open your eyes,” you command
And I do as you say
